Most domestic violence cases are fought by wives against abusive husbands. Statistics generally show that 80% of abuse cases are against men, while only 20% are against women.

Why are some people abusive?

As I keep saying, the main thing to remember is that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Everyone is responsible for their own actions; you can't be blamed for what someone else does. The blame always stays with the person who behaves that way.

There are many reasons why people abuse others. These rarely differ between adults and teenagers. Below are some reasons why people may be abusive, and remember, it's their choice to behave that way.

• They want control: this the main reason for abuse. The person is basically a control freak (even if they act the complete opposite) and wants to be able to manipulate you into what they want you to do. Most reasons for abuse tie back to this one.
• They want their own way, no matter what anyone else says.
• They can't stand being wrong, so blame other people for the bad things that they do.
• They want to hurt, humiliate or intimidate someone to try and prove that they are "boss" and they are better than you.
• They like getting lots of attention, even if it is bad attention.
• They must always come first, whether it is a competition or a vie for someone's attention. Most abusers are very sore losers, and can't stand not coming first and getting what they want.
• They're insecure. A lot of people who are abusive are not happy with themself. They then try and make themselves feel happier by making someone else feel worse.
• They're jealous. A lot of bullies are often very jealous of you. As I said above, they can't stand not coming first, so if you're better than them at something, they won't be impressed.

Most abusers are male, and most of these men have grown up being taught very traditionalist ideas about masculinity and femininity. They are taught that men have to be the boss and women should obey, no matter what. They carry these ideas on throughout their whole life, and thus often treat their wives and daughters very badly, often like slaves. They also often abuse their sons, humiliating them and embarrassing them to make sure that they grow up "tough and strong" so that they become proper men. Even with equality between men and women becoming more common, this attitude with some men still persists.

There are also many disorders that people can develop due to abusive behaviours. Many are picked up during childhood from abusive parents. These can range from parents who were physically or sexually abusive to parents who were emotionally abusive and neglectful. Even if the child hated their parents doing this to them, they have still grown up thinking that this is the "right" way to behave. Many teenagers bully at school for the same reasons.