Help Yourself

There are heaps of ways in which you can help yourself get through abuse and bullying. First of all, you should read the individual sections on "Abuse by a Adult" and "Bullying" to find out the best ways of dealing with the abuser. But there are tonnes other things you can do just to keep yourself happy...

1. Stay the same - I know it sounds corny but it's true, and probably one of the hardest to do. Staying true to yourself and keeping up your self - esteem is very hard to do when you're dealing with something like abuse. Keeping out all the negative comments said about you is the hardest hurdle to jump, as this completely twists what you think of yourself. Don't twist yourself into what they call you, as that's not who you really are.
2. Don't box yourself up - Keep yourself open, and that includes your feelings. Keeping what you think to yourself is very damaging and if you never express what you think, you will never be able to get what you really want, and will therfore never really be happy.
3. Stay normal! - I know it sounds crazy, but in a situation where you are being abused, it is very difficult. Keep eating, drinking, sleeping, socialising and going to school. Even though this may sound easy to do, it is very easy to sink into depression during abuse. NEVER stop doing any of the above things, as they are very important in staying happy and healthy.
4. Talk! - Talking is the easiest and cheapest thing to do to keep you sane. It doesn't matter who it's to or what it's about, but if you don't communicate with anyone you are effectively cutting yourself off from the world. DON'T! Talking to someone if you are being abused is extremely important as it aids you in dealing with the abuse. Talking to others helps you not only overcome problems, but it's heaps of fun too. Just talking stuff over with someone lifts weights off your shoulders and makes you feel so much better. Just talk; it may sound simple but believe me, it helps.
5. Keep friends and family close - Make sure that you don't close yourself off from everyone. Having friends and family close to you is very important. They create a trusting support network for you which can be extremely helpful sometimes. Just make sure that you are friends with people who you trust and who are supportive; having friends who won't help you are useless.
6. Start some extra-curricular activities - Keeping on playing sport, music, drama or whatever other activities you do is very important. Having an extra-curricular activity is not only fun, but many such as drama and sport let you escape reality. It can often be a good way to get away from everything that is happening. It is also a great way to meet new friends and build up a big social circle.
7. Music - I found that listening to music calmed me down, even if it was rock music! Music is great way to have fun on your own. It's usually quite cheap and it's great if you have friends who can lend you CD's. Try and develop a wide taste in music, as you'll feel like listening to different types at different times. Music is great when you're stressed as it just let's you forget ... everything.
8. Go to a place where you like hanging out - Going to your favourite place will help to relax you. Go to the park, a restaurant, the movies, even your bedroom. Sitting in an atmosphere that you enjoy will instantly calm you down.
9. Try keeping a journal or diary - Writing stuff down can help to express your feelings when you don't want to talk to anyone. Just make sure you keep it in a place where no one can find it.
10. Drawing or art - A lot of teenagers find that they can express how they feel very well through painting or drawing. Try finding interesting ways of painting your feelings and you may feel a lot better. Engaging in art can also help to calm yourself down.
11. Go for a walk/run/bike ride - Excersising is a natural calming agent. Even though it may not feel like it, it relaxes your muscles which in turn relaxes your mind. Taking some music or going with a friend will make the exercise less boring.
12. Have Fun! - Sounds simple enough, but do what you enjoy! Don't let some dropkick who is out to hurt you ruin your life...because believe me, if you let them they will. Stay the same and keep doing what you enjoy.

Below are a few people who have written to me about what kept them happy and sane while they dealt with abuse/bullying:

1. Emily, Australia (Bullied at School)
   Drama
   School
   Friends
   Mum
   Dad
   Sister
   Netball
   Weekly visit to the movies with my friends
   Reading my Magazine
   
2. Kathryn, Australia (Abused by her Mum)
   Sister
   Books
   Friends
   CD's
   TV
   
3. Mark, Australia (Bullied at School)
   Food
   Parents
   Friends
   Footy
   
4. Eliza, Australia (Abused by her Dad)
   Friends
   The woman who owns the fish and chip shop next door
   Magazines
   Music
   Dancing

These are just a few of the people who have told me about how they have coped. Write to me if you think there is something that I have missed.