Getting Help
Getting help from someone else is one of the most important things you can do if you are being abused. It is very rare for a teenager to be able to cope with any form of abuse by themself. It doesn't matter who you ask help from, as long as you do.
IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED BY AN ADULT
Dealing with this situation can vary as you may or may not live with this person. In either case, the first person you should probably tell is the person you have the best relationship with. This could be anyone from a parent or grandparent to a friend or sibling. Even if you think that they can't help you, you'd be suprised at what people can do when they know someone they are close to is getting hurt. Either way, you'll have told someone about it, and I bet you'll feel a lot better just because you've spoken up. Below are some more people you can see/talk to or things you can do to get help:
- If you are being abused by your father/mother who doesn't live with you, it is a good idea to tell your other parent (or guardian/caregiver). They may well have been through the same thing and be able to give you advice and help. They will also have a lot more ability to find more help compared to a friend or sibling. If you do live with your abuser, I've found that it's quite useless to tell the other parent, as you will usually be ignored or told that you're wrong. Most of the time, your other parent will be in denial about the whole situation aswell. This is not always the case however, so I would probably suggest trying to talk to them anyway.
- A good idea is to talk about it with your brothers/sisters as they are probably going through the same thing.
- Telling your friends can be very helpful or completely useless. In many ways, telling them about this problem can really bring out who your true friends are. If you have very supportive friends, I suggest telling them. It is especially helpful if you have a friend who you know has gone through or is going through abuse. If you're friends don't seem that interested in listening to you or helping you I suggest a) you don't bother telling them and b) find some more supportive friends!
- If you have a school councillor who you can visit I definately suggest that you do. Don't be scared that they are going to tell your parents about what you have said, as they are not allowed to discuss what you tell them with anyone else unless you give them permission.
- Teachers can also be helpful if you have a close relationship with them, however it may just make them annoyed.
- If you have relatives (aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins etc.) that you are particularly close to I would suggest talking to them about it.
BEING BULLIED
- Firstly, try telling your parents. They can do a lot (informing the school etc.) without the bully finding out.
- Most people suggest telling a teacher, however I've found this pretty ineffective. They either don't do anything about it, or try to and end up getting you in more trouble with your bully. They can help stop it for a while, but I've generally found that it comes back again.
- Friends are a good idea if you know that they won't rip you off. They are probably there while the bullying is going on so they may be able to help you in a lot of ways. It's unlikely that they will rip you off if they're real friends. I know that telling your friends is really embarrassing and you don't want to look like a wimp, so try subtly slipping into a conversation. See if they feel the same way about the person.
- Try seeing a school counsellor if you can. If you're worried about the bully finding out, tell them not to tell anyone else. Counsellors are sworn to privacy with the people they see, so legally they cannot tell anyone without your permission.
It sounds stupid, but if you have pets, try talking to them about stuff! They're great listeners and they let you say whatever you want. Especially if you have a very quiet pet, they can be great to just sit and talk to about absolutely anything and you won't have to be worried of being judged/ignored.
There are also many other ways to get help without interacting with people you know. Try a few of these things:
- Ring a Helpline: The best one is probably the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800). It's anonymous and the people who you will talk to are fantastic. They are extremely helpful and don't reject your concerns. You can talk to these people about absolutely anything for as long as you want. If you're worried about your parents finding out, you can ring at any time, day or night, and it's also free, so it won't turn up on your parent's phone bill. A good idea is to save it into your mobile phone (if you have one) so you can ring whenever you like without having to remember the number.
- Go to your local Youth Centre. There are usually plenty of people there who you can talk to, and many of them will have dealt/be dealing with abuse or bullying themselves.
- Try finding some chat rooms and forums. Just make sure that you stay safe and don't give out any personal information.
- Try visiting some web pages related to abuse. Some good ones are listed down the right hand side and in the "Sites and Books" section. KidsHelpOnline is great, as you can talk to a counsellor online instantly. There's also some great stories on there of how other kids have been helped.
- Try and find some books related to abuse and bullying. Even reading some that are designed for adults can be helpful.
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