Bullying

It's embarrassing. It's hurtful. It's scary. It's most commonly known as bullying, but it is a form of abuse. Bullying is becoming more and more common in school and outside. It is one of the most degrading things that you can experience as a teenager. It lowers your self esteem, embarrasses you, hurts your feelings and makes you feel completely hopeless. This section deals with how to cope with an emotionally abusive bully. Bullies are not always the big, rough, tough teens that beat you up and steal your money. You can be bullied by anyone, in any way and the scariest thing is, that it is most commonly by your "friends".

"Features" of bullies vary depending on the person, but they all have similar qualities. The most common are listed below.

• The Insecurity
  Bullies become bullies generally because of how insecure they are. It will seem odd, because they will make you think that you are insecure and that you have the problem. This isn't true. They are terrified of their true feelings being shown, so they disguise these feelings and become someone else. They set out to make other people's lives more difficult than their own.
  
• The Jealousy
  Bullies are also usually very jealous people. They will pick on others that are better than them. You may be very intelligent, good at sports, have lots of friends, and the bully somehow twists this and makes you feel bad about yourself for having these things. Just think about it, are they constantly calling you a "geek", "sports freak" or "little Miss/Mr popular"? Chances are that they actually want to be just like you!
  
• The Blindness
  Especially if it is a friend that is bullying you, they try to make it hard for you to see that what they are doing is wrong. They do this by making jokes about what they're doing and by getting other people to try and accept what they are doing as right. This way, you get really hurt, but you keep thinking that everything is okay. That's the bully's aim, to try and let everything go unnoticed.
  
• The "Gang"
  Bullies often have "gangs" of other people who follow them and encourage what they are doing. They may not even be bullies themselves; some just want to be "cool", so they follow a leader, and some may just be too scared to say no to the leader. Either way, they make the bullying worse, as they encourage it and often join in.
  
• The Continuity
  If you ask around, you will probably find that not many people like this person. I doubt that you'll be the only person who has a problem with them. Bullies don't often have just one target, they have many, and they keep gaining more. Finding people who also have a problem with the bully probably won't be hard, the hardest part is getting them to admit that they do.

THE BEST WAYS TO DEAL WITH A BULLY

• I think the first thing to do is talk to your parents about it. They can help in a lot of different ways. You may also have been very grumpy or withdrawn because of the bullying, and once you tell them they will a) know why you've been this way and b) be able to help you cope. They may also be able to contact the school and sort something out.
• Try finding some more people who aren't happy with the bully's behaviour. This will create a circle of people who you know you can talk to about it. You will also have a lot more power against the person if you stand together, instead of individually.
• If you have a school counsellor, talk to them about it. They are sworn to privacy, so don't get worried that they are going to tell anyone about it.
• Try telling your friends. If they are good friend, they should sit and talk to you about it and try to help you overcome it.
• I've found that telling a teacher can be quite bad, as they either dismiss your concern, say they will help and then won't or they try to help and end up making things worse. They will often confront the bully, which will not only not stop the bullying, but will make the person even more mad and will probably make the bullying worse.
• Bullies feed off of weakness, so show them that you're not weak. Try standing up to them and telling them to bugger off. It's a good idea to have other people that are "on your side" when you decide to do this.